Illustration Friday: cake May 30, 2006
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after unexpectedly seeing her dad at the bachelor party, Sally decided to rethink her new part time job…
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Makeover needed in baggage claim – stat! May 26, 2006
Posted by hallelujahhatrack in Funny, STUFF, Uncategorized.add a comment
Last weekend I took a trip to North Carolina to see my youngest brother’s kids get baptized (or as everyone else was saying, “christened”, but to me you baptize a baby and you christen a boat, and since a champagne bottle was not being applied briskly to the forehead of either child, we’ll stay with baptized if you don’t mind…)
In order to get there I had to fly, which meant that I had to spend some time in a couple of airports. I started killing time by sitting in a Southwest Airlines wheelchair (not because I need a wheelchair, but rather because it’s more comfortable than sitting on airport benches that resemble the apparatus that Mel Gibson was strapped to at the end of “Braveheart”) reading one of Sarah Vowell’s books, but soon switched to watching some of the other airport patrons, and came up with a few observations:
-Not a lot of airport personnel have attractive hairstyles, unless we’ve set our clocks back to 1977 without my knowing it. Either that or SuperCuts does more business than I originally thought.
-Watching the elderly try to use technology can be either sad or funny, depending on your frame of reference. I’m talking anything from a cell phone to the motion sensitive soap and paper towel dispensers (while watching them try to get soap I was convinced that Ashton Kutcher or Alan Funt were going to jump out of a stall and surprise the old guy).
-I really don’t get the whole guys wearing jeans and flip flops thing. Two words come to mind: Nancy boy.
-A new revelation: very little beats a woman with nice calves wearing board shorts. This could become a fetish…
-Apparently sitting in an airport crapper gives you the license to release the most hellacious oral and anal sounds imaginable.
-Simply said, denim shorts are not a good look for any male over the age of 8.
-Many old people still dress up for air travel. They might be wearing their Exersole mall walkers, but from the ankles up they are dressed to kill.
-Finally, a guy going up the escalator was wearing the following: all white sneaks, tube socks with three red stripes, camo shorts, a Buffalo Sabres jersey (circa 1980) with the number 27, faux Oakley sunglasses, and a Kangol hat. I’m pretty sure that dude was trying too hard.
Hangin’ at the Sev’ May 10, 2006
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Living in Connecticut and being a coffee fiend you’d think that I’d be regionally obligated to drink the large-caramel-with-skim-milk-and-two-Equals from Dunkin Donuts every day, but I do not (and I hope that this does not cause me to lose my New England citizenship – although I’d be happy to be deported back to Baltimore or Phladelphia…). I try to spread it around: Dunkin most of the time, Starbucks once in a while,
Green
Mountain when I’m at the gas station, and occasionally I slum it and hit the 7-11.
On the days that I go to 7-11 I always seem to run into the same group of ‘interesting’ people:
First, there is the lady with the black velour sweat jacket who, if you get the chance to stand behind her in line while she’s getting her small coffee (aka: two sips – why bother?) and pack of Newports, appears to have about a dozen cats. She may want to invest in one of those two sided tape roll on a handle thingies and use it prior to leaving the house. Or at least a nice cheap roll of masking tape if she needs to conserve money for smokes.
Next, there is the beyond-middle age guy who thinks he’s wicked (there’s a nice
New England colloquialism for you!) cool by wearing low rise jeans and quasi-hip T-shirts topped off with an oversized baseball cap with the board-flat brim to the side. On his way in to the store this morning decided to spit (and look cool in doing so) and ended up with a loogie down the front of his shirt. He then stood in the parking lot, holding up traffic, while he scraped the expectorate off with his car keys. As far as I can tell, he likes a nice Slurpee in the morning.
Finally, there is the older lady in grandma jeans, night vision goggle sunglasses that are covering her spectacles, and the ubiquitous Marlboro (the red cowboy killers, not Lights) dangling from her lips. She has worn a path between the lottery ticket counter and the outdoor garbage can and always follows the same pattern: buy a $5 scratch-off ticket, walk out the door, use the flat top of the trash can and use her fingernail to scratch the ticket, walk back in to collect winnings and/or buy another ticket. Repeat. The only deviation is if it’s raining and then she substitutes her steering wheel for the garbage can. She is doing this regardless of whether I am there at 8:00am, 10:00am, or 4:00pm. Apparently she makes a good living at this.
Now, since I see them all of the time they must see me. Wonder what they’re blogging about…?
Illustration Friday: fat May 8, 2006
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Since I'm a big sports fan, and in sports the phrase, "The opera isn't over 'til the fat lady sings" has been used by a few teams, I thought I'd incorporate it into this week's challenge.
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What the…? May 3, 2006
Posted by hallelujahhatrack in Family, Funny, Kids, Uncategorized.1 comment so far

Although these two knuckleheads belong to me, I must admit that I have no idea whatsoever what this is all about…
There are many times that their actions and words leave me speechless, and this is just one of them.
Illustration Friday: under the sea May 1, 2006
Posted by hallelujahhatrack in ART, Illustration Friday, Uncategorized.31 comments

This week's Illustration Friday challenge 'forced' me to break out the watercolors for the first time in, oh about, well, since the Clinton administration…
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