Hallelujah Hatrack

So, I’m flipping the channels the other night just to make sure that there is other summer television programming beyond the Boston Red Sox broadcasts, and found out that sure enough there is. I found the BET Awards.

If you look at my photo to the right you will see that I am not necessarily the target audience for this type of programming, but I thought what the hell, I like Denzell and Spike and The Commodores and Earth Wind and Fire, so I watched for a while. This is what I learned.

-There are a lot of rappers that I’ve never heard of.
-No rappers go by their real names.
-Every rapper has a CD coming out every 15 days.
-Rappers must have a corporate marketing tie-in deal with Sunglass Hut or a lot of them have light sensitivity issues (Everyone there was wearing their Foster-Grants. Indoors.)
-Rappers must also have a marketing arrangement with Foot Locker. The Boston Celtics’ basketball shoes are nothing compared to the kicks worn by the rapping community.
-Another tie-in must be with Lidz. If you rap you have to wear a cap. Now, I have a lot of baseball-style hats (about 100) and wear them a lot, but when I get one I meticulously wet and bend the brim, then put the rolled brim into my Superman coffee mug to dry overnight to achieve the prefect look. These gentlemen have gone the complete other direction. If I set my iron at its highest level, and then had the defensive line of my beloved Philadelphia Eagles push the iron on the bill of one of my baseball hats for a complete 24 hours, it would still not be a straight as the brim of Doug E. Fresh’s (or whoever’s) retro Denver Nuggets hat.
-When rappers wear their caps, the brim can not face forward – like it’s supposed to. The bill of the cap must be worn as if the sun is constantly to your left.
-These folks like to ‘represent’.
-I’m not certain just what they are representing. Like I said, I thought they were representing Sunglass Hut, Foot Locker and Lidz.
-Rappers want you to know if they are from the east coast or the west coast. This seems to be a pretty big deal. Apparently, no rappers are ‘representing’ Kansas.
-Rappers also like you to know in what zip code or area code they reside. They like to give shout outs to the brothers in the 90210 (well, maybe not 90210, that one’s been taken…) or in the 405.
-These people seem to dwell on the ‘assassinations’ of Tupac and Biggie. As Chris Rock once said, Martin was assassinated, Malcom was assassinated, and Kennedy was assassinated. These two, er.., gentlemen, were SHOT. Hey rapper guys, Jerry Garcia died not too long ago, but I got over it!

I suppose that’s enough of my recap of the BET Awards. I’ve got to go get some stuff at Target, then get my morning coffee, and then I’m off to the Buick Championship golf tournament. Maybe this evening I’ll take the kids for ice cream.

Cause that’s how we roll in the 860, motherf*cker! PEACE!!