it’s a long fly ball to deep center field… June 12, 2006
Posted by hallelujahhatrack in Kids, Sports, Uncategorized.add a comment
The Bear had a baseball game on Saturday, and since Connecticut over the past few weeks resembles the book of Genesis during Noah’s time the infield was unplayable, unless we wanted to outfit a bunch of 6 year olds with hip waders, and at that point a quick trip to the outdoor section of Dick’s Sporting Goods was out of the question (although, now that I think of it I am running low on boot warmers and wolf piss…).
Anyway, we decided that since the outfield was actually not underwater we’d play out there and let the little boys and girls take aim at the center field fence. The kids thought with was a great idea and we were off and running.
During the first inning they hit a couple of nice shots (including The Bear almost taking the third baseman’s head off with a wicked line drive) but no homers. The second inning produced more of the same, as did the third. We normally play three innings, but since the game had gone quickly and the butterfly chasing and dandelion picking was being kept to a minimum (I suppose due to the lack of supply caused by the recent overwhelming precipitation) we decided to play a fourth inning. We also decided to move home plate about 10 feet closer to the fence.
Our first batter got to first base on a dribbler that the shortstop couldn’t handle due to having his finger up his nose. Our second batter roped one to center – two men on. The third hitter caught the second baseman napping – literally. Bases loaded. Our cleanup hitter then proceeded to jack one over the fence – Grand Slam!!! Our runners circled the bases and the rest of the Astros greeted them at home plate where high fives were abundant (we tend to discourage pats on the ass because a) this is a co-ed league, and b) we don’t want any of the coaches show up unexpectedly on Dateline NBC). Our next batter, who is almost as big as me despite being in kindergarten, followed up with a solo shot.
The other team, the Yankees, also had a batter (coincidentally, named after Mickey Mantle) who went deep with a jack even farther than the other two. His dad is a buddy of mine so this was extra special for me.
Now, I coach because I love the game (and I can’t stand to see it played incorrectly, so I make sure the kids know how to play) and because I love the kids, but Saturday was especially fantastic. To see the looks on the faces of the kids who hit home runs, as well as the looks on their team mates’ and parents’ faces, was worth a million dollars. A lot of people ask me why I invest so much of my time with kids (baseball, soccer, Sunday school, etc.- about 12 to 20 hours each week) and it’s days like that that are my answer. I can live off of that experience for a good couple of months.
What the…? May 3, 2006
Posted by hallelujahhatrack in Family, Funny, Kids, Uncategorized.1 comment so far
Although these two knuckleheads belong to me, I must admit that I have no idea whatsoever what this is all about…
There are many times that their actions and words leave me speechless, and this is just one of them.
Animated Emotion April 27, 2006
Posted by hallelujahhatrack in Family, Funny, Kids, Uncategorized.1 comment so far
After a rousing game of “Lego Star Wars” on Playstation, Boona came up to me and seemed a bit sad. This is odd, since he’s usually pretty fired up after he plays that game. You know, with the advancing to another level and getting to be different characters and all… In the game, as you progress and earn points and advance through the game you are mirroring the story from “Star Wars: Episode III”.
Me: Boona, are you OK?
Boona: Yeah.
Me: You don’t look OK. What’s wrong?
Boona: In my game, Princess Amidala got x’s in her eyes.
Me: She got what?
Boona: X’s
Then I figured out what he was talking about. Do you remember in cartoons when a person was unconscious – or dead – their eyes were x-ed out? Apparently in video games, the same technique is used. And in case you haven’t seen Episode III, and I hope I’m not giving anything away for those who never saw the original episode either (Hey, wasn’t that you sitting next to me at the Bel Air Mall Cinemas in 1977?) Princess Amidala dies while giving birth to Luke and Leia, and thus, the “x-eyes”.
This took me back about 25 years to when my youngest brother – another avid cartoon watcher – asked me if, during a date with my girlfriend, “hearts ever came out of my mouth?” Just like with Boona and the x’s, this one took me a minute to figure out, and then it all made sense.
What’s your bookmark? April 5, 2006
Posted by hallelujahhatrack in Books, Family, Funny, Kids, Uncategorized.add a comment
I believe that what you use for a bookmark tells a lot about you, as well as a lot about what you read. Maybe one of my personal oddities, maybe some truth.
Let’s look at the books currently being read in my house:
My wife is reading something called “Cracks in My Foundation” by Marian Keyes. The bookmark being used is an emery board.
I am re-reading Truman Capote’s “Other Voices, Other Rooms” and to mark my place I am using my ticket to the Metropolitan Museum of Art when I went in November to see the van Gogh exhibit. Perhaps that sound’s a bit pretentious, but it’s not. I’m just a big geek I guess.
Boona is reading one of the Harry Potter books. It’s a thin one, so must be one of the first few. He is using a plush Scooby Doo bookmark.
The Bear is currently knee-deep in “Junie B Jones: Something Smells Fishy.” (these books are classic, by the way!!) For his bookmark he is currently using a pair of green and purple “Monsters. Inc.” underpants.
For him, that’s just about right.
Skee-Ball champ of the world! March 28, 2006
Posted by hallelujahhatrack in Family, Funny, Kids, Uncategorized.1 comment so far
Having two small boys who each have a bunch of goofball friends I have to go to a lot of kids birthday parties. The usual stuff like bowling (Bear just turned 6 and has a bowling party this weekend) and laser tag (Boona is turning 9 and will have a laser tag party in a few weeks).
However, our Chuck E. Cheese days seem to be behind us, but we have this place nearby called ‘The Great Escape’. This place has HUGE climbing tunnels and ball pit and arcade games and is, basically, what Chuck E. would be if he dropped acid. You know, the brown stuff liked they talked about in the movie “
Woodstock”.
The Bear went to a party there this weekend and I was talking with the other parents about how the experience would be better if there was a bar rather than a snack bar, but I digress. Everything with this kid is a competition. He played so many games of Skee-Ball I’m pretty sure that he will need Tommy John surgery before baseball season begins. All of his friends were content with playing games and having fun and enjoying each others’ company. Not him.
He had to win – or rather, ‘earn’ – more tickets than the rest of the knee-high mob so that he can get more prizes than everyone. And he did. By a lot.
And with his tickets he even got his brother his coveted watermelon flavored Air Head candy.
Off to the movies! March 20, 2006
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While I saw an awesome movie – “V for Vendetta” – the boys went with Mommy to see “Eight Below.” After they got out of their show the following conversation took place between The Bear, Boona and me while Mom stood by shaking her head and rolling her eyes:
Me: Did you guys like your movie?
Bear: Yes, but there was some crying.
Me: The dogs in the movie cried?
Bear: No not on the movie, in the movie.
Me: Oh, you guys cried at the movie?
Bear: Well, some of us did. (Apparently dogs fall through ice, face starvation, and fall prey to carnivorous animals that are a lot meaner than husky dogs)
Me: Did your big brother cry?
Boona: NO!
Bear: No, he didn’t cry.
Me: Did you cry?
Bear: Well, I started to cry, but then Mom started to cry so I had to stop crying so I could pat her, and then while I was patting her I just cried in my head.
Classic!
The Wussification of America March 14, 2006
Posted by hallelujahhatrack in Funny, Kids, Sports, Uncategorized.3 comments
I have to begin this post with the fact that I think that youth sports and education of today have taken any sense of competition out of the mix. My opinion, maybe not yours.
Anyway, my (as of today!) 6 year old son, The Bear, finished his recreation basketball program this past Saturday. He is sad that it’s over, mainly because he rocks! I’m sad it’s over because I love to watch him play (not to mention that I now have to find something constructive to do on Saturday mornings, and: Constructive=work…)
All parental pride aside, he is one of the best players in the group. I can see him – again, I’m being objective – playing point guard in high school or college. He’s that good. While other kids are chasing butterflies that only they can see, Bear is hitting J’s on the 10 foot hoop and directing his peers on the intricacies of the give-and-go. He practices all of the time (whatever is in season: hoop, baseball, soccer) against kids twice his age – or more – and that is why he dominates.
Anyway, at the end of the last session the kids were lined up and a medal was placed around their neck. To revisit the beginning of this post, I think that by rewarding crappy performance, or just showing up, in sports with a medal or trophy and giving certificates of completion in school when you obviously can’t do the work as well as your classmates is, plainly, horse sh*t.
The following conversation ensued in the car on the way home:
Bear: Dad?
Me: Yes?
Bear: Why did everyone get a medal?
Me: Because everyone did a good job and tried hard. (my nose grew a little…)
Bear: WHAT?!?!
Me: Everyone did a good job. (and a little more…)
Bear: No they didn’t! Bobby can’t dribble and Billy never made one shot! (Note: names have been changed to protect those kids who are not ‘ballers’)
Me: Well, they still tried. (which, I suppose they did) And besides, you and Brandon and Brendan and Jeremiah all practice a lot, so of course you will be better than the other guys.
Bear: (and I paraphrase to get to the point and to eliminate some dialogue that only I understood, ‘cause, well, I’m used to his ramblings) Well, Father, you have made my point beautifully for me. Why do the kids who don’t put forth the effort get rewarded in the same way as those of us who bust our asses in order to get better?
Me: silence
Bear: Huh, Dad, why? You always say that “perfect practice makes perfect” (ah, how I love to use this quote by legendary coach John Wooden) but those boys don’t even do bad practicing. They don’t practice at all.
Me: silence
I’m pretty sure that at some point The Bear will get his due.
And that the other kids will find what they do best as well.
Napoleon Valentine February 16, 2006
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On Valentine’s Day I picked up Jibbo from his after school program – which is where he goes after he gets out of his regular kindergarten class. As always, he was very jacked up over something or another. That day is was how much loot he scored:
“Dad!?”
“What?”
“Dad, when we get home you have to look in my backpack!”
“Why?”
“Because, you have to!”
“Why do I ‘have to’?”
“Because, I got two schools worth of candy!”
I’m pretty sure he almost did better on Valentine’s Day than he did on Halloween, but I digress. The conversation continued:
“Who gave you all of the candy?”
“Everyone, who do you think? Gosh!”
“Everyone in you class gave you candy?”
“Heck yes!”
“Did you get kisses from any of the girls?”
“Heck no!!”
I really like it when he channels Napoleon Dynamite.
Did Speed Racer drive a bus? February 7, 2006
Posted by hallelujahhatrack in Funny, Kids, Uncategorized.1 comment so far
When the school bus came to pick up the boys – and the neighbor kids, of course – yesterday I noticed that the regular bus driver was sitting in the front seat and a new person was driving. Last night I asked Max why the usual driver was not driving and someone else was (I didn’t think that this was a situation like the one when Speed Racer went blind and Racer X couldn’t use his legs – or vice versa? – and they had to team up to drive the Mach 5, but who knows…)
Anyway, the following conversation came of this:
Me: Max, I saw Ray in the front passenger seat of the bus, why was another guy driving?
Max: Sometimes Ray has to teach new people who want to be bus drivers.
Me: Oh, really? That’s cool.
Max: Yeah, it’s his job to teach them where all the bus stops are, and it’s our job to show them how loud it’s going to be.
At least everyone has their part.
