So, do you come here often? July 3, 2006
Posted by hallelujahhatrack in Funny, STUFF, Sports, Uncategorized.add a comment
Although over the past few years my handicap has risen like Ron Jeremy on a Cialis binge, I still enjoy playing and watching golf. Over the weekend the PGA tour came to
Connecticut and I attended the Buick Championship.
It turned out to be a beautiful day – sunny with a breeze. Before I left the house I looked at the pairings and tee times and planned my day. It would work out perfectly – I’d follow Brad Faxon in the morning and Corey Pavin in the afternoon. Why these guys? A few reasons: John Daly and Tiger Woods weren’t there / Pavin is a player that I’ve enjoyed for quite a few years / Faxon is a local guy (well,
Rhode Island. Close enough) and the tournament’s defending champion.
If you haven’t had the chance to go to a PGA tournament, they are one of the few sporting events where you can actually get close to the action, so close that you are within a few feet of a player as they tee off, and are able to hear the conversations they are having with their caddies and with the other players.
Another group of people that you get close to are women. Lots of them. Some of them very pretty. A few weeks ago I posted that women with nice calves and wearing board shorts could become an obsession. Well, in the morning at the Buick Championship there was a woman with the requisite beautiful legs and long shorts who was following the same threesome as I.
Caution: if you approach a pretty woman at a golf tournament who happens to be following the same group of golfers as you, and you are intent on laying down a few suave lines, you may want to make sure that the woman in your sights is not the wife of one of the players.
That being said, my apologies to Mrs. Faxon…
Oops.
Makeover needed in baggage claim – stat! May 26, 2006
Posted by hallelujahhatrack in Funny, STUFF, Uncategorized.add a comment
Last weekend I took a trip to North Carolina to see my youngest brother’s kids get baptized (or as everyone else was saying, “christened”, but to me you baptize a baby and you christen a boat, and since a champagne bottle was not being applied briskly to the forehead of either child, we’ll stay with baptized if you don’t mind…)
In order to get there I had to fly, which meant that I had to spend some time in a couple of airports. I started killing time by sitting in a Southwest Airlines wheelchair (not because I need a wheelchair, but rather because it’s more comfortable than sitting on airport benches that resemble the apparatus that Mel Gibson was strapped to at the end of “Braveheart”) reading one of Sarah Vowell’s books, but soon switched to watching some of the other airport patrons, and came up with a few observations:
-Not a lot of airport personnel have attractive hairstyles, unless we’ve set our clocks back to 1977 without my knowing it. Either that or SuperCuts does more business than I originally thought.
-Watching the elderly try to use technology can be either sad or funny, depending on your frame of reference. I’m talking anything from a cell phone to the motion sensitive soap and paper towel dispensers (while watching them try to get soap I was convinced that Ashton Kutcher or Alan Funt were going to jump out of a stall and surprise the old guy).
-I really don’t get the whole guys wearing jeans and flip flops thing. Two words come to mind: Nancy boy.
-A new revelation: very little beats a woman with nice calves wearing board shorts. This could become a fetish…
-Apparently sitting in an airport crapper gives you the license to release the most hellacious oral and anal sounds imaginable.
-Simply said, denim shorts are not a good look for any male over the age of 8.
-Many old people still dress up for air travel. They might be wearing their Exersole mall walkers, but from the ankles up they are dressed to kill.
-Finally, a guy going up the escalator was wearing the following: all white sneaks, tube socks with three red stripes, camo shorts, a Buffalo Sabres jersey (circa 1980) with the number 27, faux Oakley sunglasses, and a Kangol hat. I’m pretty sure that dude was trying too hard.
